It’s Monday and since nothing good ever comes from Monday it is appropriate to write something that means absolutely nothing. If you read to the end you will realize you have wasted five minutes of your life looking at the written version of potato peelings. So, if you’re really busy – STOP HERE.
For the rest, this writing will be like a lot of generation Y Blogs you see on the internet. Some mindless blabbing from some obscure individual who apparently has an inflated sense of self worth, given his assumption that anyone cares what he thinks. So, in keeping with the theme of accomplishing nothing, the topic of today is …Free Speech.
Oh, not the political kind (well, it may be political), and not the kind that you see on CSPAN or written in the pages of the Economist or for that matter even the Daily Oklahoman. Not even the hurtful stupid kind from the likes of Imus or the Westport Baptist Church of Kansas (those religious punks who protested at the funeral of a soldier in Norman last week).
No, something better than that --- bumper stickers.
Nothing is more American than showing what you think on the ass of your car.
One of you e-mailed me last week, commenting on the Imus thing, expressing her joy that not all Okies have the “Bomb their ass, Take their gas” (as seen on a pickup’s bumper sticker) mentality. True. But there is indeed a sizable population of Americans who find it important to display their ignorance while dodging pylons and speeding through construction zones on I-35. Hey, it’s the new Town Hall at 65 mph.
But I like some of the stickers (and their t-shirt cousins). Please forgive me.
I especially like what I call the “heart” stickers. You know, the ones that are descendants of the original “I (drawing of a valentine heart) New York.”
I like: I (love) My Trailer Park!” It’s for those comfortable with their lot in life down by the river.
There is one which says, “I (love) obeying my husband.” But frankly, I’ve never seen that one. My favorite is really the kids t-shirt: “I (love) grandpa”. Well, of course!
On the political side, there is the sticker with a picture of a smirking George W. Bush that says: “I’ll bet you’ll vote THIS time!”
No s*%t!
(I’m putting my “Impeach Rove” sticker on my car now).
There is the Don’t Mess with Texas sticker. I interpret that to mean “Please leave us alone. We sent Bush to Washington to get rid of him – and if you bother us we’ll do it again”. OK. Cool.
Speaking of rednecks, probably the lamest sticker is the little Confederate flag sticker. For the record: I admit there are no damn Yankees in my ancestry, but a good number of guys who wore gray. But, what is the purpose of displaying the flag of a bunch of losers who sought to perpetuate a racist culture? Uh….well, precisely that, apparently. (I prefer the one with the slash through the Confederate flag and it says: “You lost. Get over it.”
There are the bumper stickers that encourage Free Speech in artistic expression: “I (love) Midget Porn”. That was seen on one of those little Cooper cars. I was afraid to look at the driver. Right behind it was a pickup bearing the sticker “I (love) Sheep.” It was from … yeah, Arkansas. ( Budda-bing-budda-boom.)
There is the contrarian who had the sticker with the picture of a pit bull on it. It merely read: “WRONG!”. Concise and to the point, I’d say. Although I’m not sure precisely what the point is.
There is the devotional bumper sticker on the morning drive to work. I like: “Jesus loves you – everyone else thinks you’re an asshole”. I believe that may apply to those Kansas Baptists. There is also the “Love thy neighbor – but don’t get caught”. That might be a Methodist sticker (oh, did I write that?). That actually doesn’t sound all that religious for some reason. Most of my neighbors are octogenarians who have this annoying way of mowing their lawns every day. One of them has the “I’m retired. Go around me” bumper sticker.
And this one belongs on my NRA friends’ car: “Guns don’t kill people. Drivers with cell phones do”. Well, he’s half right at least.
I saw this twist to the worn out kid-honor-student sticker: “Your kid’s an honor student. You’re a moron.” I suppose that may be a comment on the theory of evolution.
There is indeed something fitting about one’s commentary being displayed to those drivers who are already eating one’s exhaust fumes.
But, finally, the best one is probably: “I respect your opinion. But I won’t read your blog!”
